Bureaucracy and Other White Elephants

"Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible" - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

If you're ever having a bad day and feel like making it worse, there's nothing like a brief tango with Indian bureaucracy - sheer, mind numbingly inane protocol in all its glory. There's so much of it here I swear you'd need to create another country simply to justify its existence. I wouldn't be casting aspersions on their efficiency if it hadn't been for some fist clenchingly annoying experiences I had recently (ok, maybe I would anyway). I mean, how does something that's been created to make sure you get your work done efficiently succeed in doing the very opposite?

I've realized that their modus operandi is pretty simple, it goes something like this:
1. Don't ever, ever, answer the phone. Phones were never meant for communication in the first place, oh no. If they do happen to make that mistake, it's quickly rectified by empty promises of "yes, yes, madem, absolutely, definitely we will come tomorrow and fix the problem". Which is the last you'll ever hear of them.

2. If there is no problem, make one up - a spelling error, wrong number, etc. Here's an example – My full name is: Lorraine Rodrigues. Their interpretation: Lanren Randrigj.
Lanren? Randrigj? I mean, how? what? I'm rendered speechless by their imaginations.

3. If all else fails, throw an application form at the unsuspecting innocent. This will create enough confusion to keep them occupied for days (enough time to think of a back up plan).

If you're wondering how an innocuous form can wreck so much havoc, think again. These aren't your average Name/Address/Telephone Number sheets. Oh no. These forms have been especially designed to envelop the reader with a growing sense of a) stupidity and b) hopelessness (unless you're my Dad, who on reading it will proceed to fill it up with the air of a professional form-filler). On the form that I filled - or tried to - to enlist as a voter, the instructions read something like:
AC2 number and name: ______
Authentication for issue of EPIC (to be filled by ERO rep): _____
EPIC details: _______

At the end of which there is a tiny $ sign that confidently states - 'PC number is for Union Territories NOT having Legislative Assemblies'. Oh sure, I say, good for them. This unenthusiastic approach only results in the loss of cool by my Dad, who snatches away the forms and stomps off, muttering all the while about my incompetence in all matters of protocol (among other things).

There should be a law against this. Any form that asks for more than your name, address and telephone number should be charged with unwanted nosiness, and those found guilty of it should be consigned to 3 years of filling out Voter Election Cards and muddling through the bureaucratic process on behalf of people like me. That should show them.